In what is being described by outside sources as no big news, Swedish nationals are taking stock of a new report with damning evidence that their bid to join the information global market may simply never eventuate. Black market profiteering and government kick-backs all seem to fight against each other as Swedes come to realize, they just cant code!

Scientific reports released to today by the University of California in conjunction with the University College of Borås show the inabilities of Swedish nationals to code shows no sign of improvement. The report suggests if the trend continues, job losses will ensue and overseas coders will need to be instated to meet demand.

The Swedish foreign minister, speaking from his Stokholm office, said of the problem, Our immigration policy forbids the wholesale importation of foreign nationals to work in Sweden. We are trying to protect much needed jobs within our own IT industry, but this flaw in the Swedish genome could warrant legislation to be enacted to allow foreign coders access to our systems. After all, none of it was coded in Sweden or by Swedes.

In an effort to encourage students into the computer programming sector, financial incentives have been introduced with grants paid per thousand lines of code (KLOC). We have had some encouraging results said Mr Clok, recently a graduate student from the University of Linköping assembled a hello world script in the PHP language, however a parse error stopped the project mid term. Mr Clok went on further to say the reports from California and Borås are not a final condemnation of the Swedish themselves, and reminded us that it was the Swedish scientist Anders Celsius (1701-44) who created the Centigrade scale for thermometers. However, Celsius initially designated the boiling point of water as zero degrees and the melting point of ice at 100 degrees. Later, Linnaeus, of Scottish decent, is said to have turned this scale upside down to make sense of it.

Computer crime is on the increase in Sweden, but it is software piracy that where the big dollars are being lost. Without the ability to code for themselves, the Swedish businesses are turning to black market software to be able to compete in an international market. Det här är galet, said a (name suppressed) of a leading Law Broking firm in Stockholm. Without the ability to code, we can only turn to the black market and pay extortionate prices in the thousands for software that normally would cost hundreds. Everything from video games to financial report making software is now hot property on the streets and in the offices of major cities.

The Swedish Inventors Association website http://www.smartstuff.se, coded by a Norwegian company, was also seeking aspiring Swedish coders, and challenged them to code anything more complex than the failed hello world programs of latter days. With falling IT profits in the business sector and public despondency at an all time high, some officials are facing up the reality of the situation and are calling on the government to conduct further testing to find out the reasons why Swedes cant code.

A new type of hacking racism has emerged internationally and is causing a furore for ex-patriot Swedes living in Europe and the United States. Without any prospect of employment, these international coders are forced back home to join the dole queues. Nobody wants these coders and if a solution is not found soon, they have threatened to withdraw entirely and no longer provide the world with their unique talents. Nobody was available for comment on what these talents were, but we have been assured, the threat is real.